Critical Section


Is Hell Exothermic?

Monday,  05/17/04  10:19 PM

Here's a good answer to an important question, in our continuing attempts at understanding engineers.  [ courtesy of my colleague Justin ]


(The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.)

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.  One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.  So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.  We can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.  Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.  Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.  Since there are more than one of these religions and since people generally do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.  With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.  This gives two possibilities:

  1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
  2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?  If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Morrison during my freshman year, that "...it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true.

Thus, Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only "A" given on the exam.


I'm sure this student went on to become an engineer :)

 

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